REMEMBER ONLY THE GOOD ONES.........

GIFT OF FOND MEMORIES

Selective hearing and selective seeing, perception and memory are the concepts I learnt in my Graduation Psychology classes. However, traveling down the life path, their role in the real life has become evident. I remember once in school, a farewell for a teacher whom we had never heard anyone praise but amazingly, everyone delivering the acknowledgment speeches could just not stop appreciating her and saying how good she was, how blessed we had been to have her. One of my friends commented that see how everyone is thinking only of the virtues that never were, I had replied then, but none of it is false. Well actually, none of it was. It was the first recognition of how we tend to choose what to store in our memory packets. As I have seen more of life and met more people, this belief has been proved beyond doubt.

While working, for instance, no one would sing praises for his boss. The boss is always a terror wished shot in all dreams. When in school, teachers appear to be strict authorities raveling in sadistic pleasures by scolding students and putting red marks on their notebooks. Some colleagues are our direct competitors and thus never praised even secretly. Siblings always fight is a universal truth and peer rivalries are no news. However after one leaves the organization, the things learnt from the high command are valued; as friends part after college and sisters get married to go to different homes, the love abounds. One may behave like cats and dogs with ones brothers but as they go to hostels they remember each other fondly.

I for myself remember how we got crazy getting slam books filled by our classmates when the sudden realization came that we are going to lose our friends of twelve years after the boards. All of us wrote pleasantly irrespective of the relations we had shared. Some were dear friends and others were just classmates. Some were bonded by cutthroat competition and others were deadly enemies over a common crush or in the race for being elected the House Captain. But when the time came to say goodbyes, they were not only meant in good taste but also said with teary eyes. Over the years, we have met at alumni meets and felt nostalgic over the fond memories that bind us.

Last week I was part of the farewell bade to their seniors by the first year batch of my students. I had never thought very highly of this batch since I joined them half a year back. To my amazement, I found myself buying little gifts for all of them and spending the night, etching titles for the students I had marked out as most dumb in my book. To my astonishment what I remembered was their strengths, their sweet naughtiness and how wonderful they had been. My speech had affectionate lines about how lovable each of them was and it all came naturally with my throat chocking over the words that described how much I will miss them and how adorable and unforgettable they had all been.

Isn’t it a unique human trait?
When we part, depart or lose someone all that we tend to remember is the sweetness of the acquaintance. Isn’t it wonderful that what remains with you all your life is only the positive experiences you have had in a relationship? All that you would sit back and look at when you draw the curtains of nostalgia are happy moments, all that crawls up when you walk down the memory lane are heartening reminisces.

One only carries the good with oneself sifting the bad and piling it away in unforgettable boxes. Isn’t it a boon of selective memory that we humans are blessed with?

Are you the Right Parent?

PARENINTG IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY

Excuse my saying so, but not everyone who is a parent always deserves being one. We have training for everything in this world, for being a doctor, engineer, and teacher, even for plucking your eyebrow. You would go to the best of the professionals and tailors, but poor babies have no choice to be born to the best of the parents. Ah! What an allegation you would say, we are excellent parents; we give our kids all kinds of facilities and luxuries that we ourselves never had. But don’t you think there is much more involved in bringing up healthy citizens of the future world? Child rearing is a tight ropewalk and not every one does it perfectly.

Why are you getting to hear all this gyaan suddenly today? I happened to be a part of a National Seminar at Patiala last week; the topic was Media, Parents and Children. To my amazement everyone blamed the media for being too irresponsible in doling out all sorts of content to the impressionable minds. The youngsters were equally bashed for being materialistic, disobedient and non-respectful. What pinched me was the missing concern to the central link – the parents. It is always de stressing to shift the blame. A good defense mechanism to say that the films are violent, television infidel, internet porn, videogames defiant, comics uncultured, advertisements greed promoting, and the consumer to all this, the children bundles of tantrums. Great. If all that the idiot box churns out is crime stories, why don’t you keep your toddler away from it? Busy working guardians substitute it for a baby sitter and then resent it when their off springs turn couch potatoes. I have seen many parents with kids in laps claiming proudly, my baby is fond of Mallika Sherawat, he prefers Coke to water, she does not wink a lid till the TV plays in the background. Wonderful. Then the same people would come back with teenagers gone astray and ask with broken hearts, why did my child turn this way? Why don’t you ever ask yourself, what went wrong in my parenting? When as a counselor, I question them if they spend time with their child, they say yes we watch the Television together. Woo. That’s it. Not many parents realize that their role is much above providing the food, shelter and clothing. They have to teach their off springs to be media literate. Maybe it is wrong to blame them entirely. They at times don’t know what to do and how to do it.

Let me briefly orient you towards the needed practices. To control the time spent in front of the tube you may resort to solutions like diary keeping, covering the TV, having a TV free family night, giving interesting alternatives to the kids, playing carem or Antrakshari with them instead or even pushing the box out of your homes. Healthy Internet habits may be cultivated by keeping the computer in a common place, becoming partners in the usage, not leaving gaps in knowledge that you child feels tempted to know from the web. You must always prescreen what your child is reading or watching. Clean their room off the violent games, cards or Cds. After all you are the parent and you are expected to know better. But, this does not give you the green signal for being autocratic. There are various parenting styles and research shows that nagging and even over caring parents rear defiant and indecisive kids. Help your child sift through the media content, aid him in developing the understanding of what to do and what not to practice. If the child is made a party to the decision making process and taught the pros and cones, he is likely to form into a well informed person who can decipher right from wrong. Don’t just snatch away the Naagraaj comic, put a good book in their hands as a better substitute. Give them options to develop more healthy interest and better habits.

Parenting afterall is a big responsibility and the trick lies in knowing the correct ways to nurture the angels the God has blessed you with. Next time before you blame the little ones, spare a minute to give a thought to your own way of rearing them.

Its that Time of the Year Again!!

WHEN EXAMS ATE THEM UP

“Study to be quiet, and to do your own business”, says the Bible but suddenly everything is so quiet that I am somehow not relishing it. The date sheet is just out and the stress has started building up. The smiles have abruptly vanished from the bubbly faces. The chirpy have turned gloomy and the naughtiness has flow out of the window. Out of the blue, my phone rung at eleven last night. The number reflected that of one of my students. What could have gone wrong were the anxious thoughts racing my mind while I approached the receiver. The voice on the other end was a tense version of a usually cheerful Neha. The tiny black words in the thick books were frightening her. Ma’m what do we mean by this and by that…how do we calculate the percentages of respondents, she was enquiring and I was thinking, what have these approaching exams done to the jovial lot of my pupils!

I am juggling with counseling the examination phobic, time tabling the late risers and offering tissues to dry the flowing eyes. Soothing the stressed souls is my major employment these days as the monstrous papers are nearing, but even their bodies appear tattered and creased out. What do I mean by this? You have to look at them to know this. Bright dresses have turned to plain attires, hairdos are invisible under oiled tresses, contacts have vanished and spectacles surfaced, heels are now converted to floaters and prompt replies to mourned sighs. This is the sight I dread the most, but have to face every year at this time.

While I was a student, I did not notice how the world of everyone turns topsy turvy during the pre test days. I fancied only myself being crushed by the cruel demons. Now that I am an onlooker, I can see objectively how these devils grab everyone in their claws. My vivacious kids have suddenly dawned the look of mature serious youngsters. Well, they are on the verge of being Post Graduates, but I some how hate their worrying reincarnations. Though, all the year through, we gave them lectures on how they should be taking their future seriously, putting in more hours to study and adorn the books, now that it is actually happening, it does not seem to be such a good option either. The department seems to have lost its life with half its crowd now packed in latched rooms surrounded with books. The library has eaten up the canteen mob and the black font is being chewed instead of the samosas. Students with black circles and eyes puffy form lack of sleep have unexpectedly started appearing in lawns to discuss the tough problems. Some are in for groups studies and others have put the Do not Disturb signs outside their hostel rooms. The hostel is silent and the corridors of the department dead. It seems I have lost all my bubbling, chirping, gossiping scholars to the date sheet pasted on the notice board.

I know they would be recovered in a month but for now, our to-be-examinees have been gobbled down by the exam phobia and ironically we are liking and despising it at the same time.